The Light in Her Eyes
by Entilzha Ranger
Summary: Susan Ivanova recalls the day her mother ended her life. A short challenge fic for "The Firing Line" Livejournal community.


Title: The Light in Her Eyes

Author: Katherine Perry

Rating: PG-13 for suicide

Word Count: 816

Disclaimer: I don't own Babylon 5. I wish I did. But I don't. 

Summary: Susan Ivanova recalls they day her mother ended her life.

Spoilers: Only "Midnight on the Firing Line and a tiny "Divided Loyalties" spoiler, but it's barely noticeable.

I would also like to make a note of the fact that this is my first time watching Babylon 5 and I have only just finished season 4. So it would be nice if comments didn't spoil season 5. Thanks. 

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"She didn't want to join the Corps, didn't want to go to prison, so they gave her the treatment. For ten years, a man in a gray suit came to the door every week, and he gave her the injections. They were strong - terribly strong. Every day, we just watched her drift further and further away from us. The light in her eyes just went out, bit by bit."

It was Tuesday again. I hated Tuesdays. For the last ten years all Tuesdays had been the same, and quite frankly, I was sick of them. They could die and rot in hell for all I cared.

Papa would have already left for work and I for school had this been any normal Tuesday. We never stayed in one place long enough for the system to keep accurate record on me––rarely stayed in one place long enough to ever make any real friends––not that I needed friends. I learned at the age of five not to count on other people. God had left me then to fend for myself at the exact moment I needed someone to guide me through the darkness. He abandoned me with a terrible life for a five-year-old to lead; a life of pain, a life of sorrow, and a life of secrets.

The clock read nine a.m. Earth Standard Time. Mama probably wouldn't be awake yet, so it would be up to me to get her up today. She needed to be ready for when _he_ came.

Her room always reminded me of a clear spring day. The scent of lilacs and dandelions always hung in the air. If I concentrated hard enough could almost hear the birds singing and bees buzzing in my mind. Today the smell brought sadness instead of it's usual relaxing powers, bet they were swept away when I lay eyes on her that morning.

She lay on her side, her legs curled up beneath her body and wrapped in blankets––struggling to keep warm. Her arms were crossed beneath her breasts: her dark and yet graying hair lay gracefully tangled upon her pillow. Her face was hard and chiseled from life and yet her lips curled upward slightly in a smile I hadn't seen for ten long years. Memories buried long ago came undug from the catacombs of my mind. They were pleasant ones from my early childhood when I had a happy life with a loving family. They were memories of her light and musical laughter; her hand stroking my hair; the loved feeling I got when she touched my mind and I hers. They were memories of the days before the Sleepers. She seemed at ease with herself and the world––her breathing heavy and calm. All I wanted was climb into bed and lay beside her like I did as a small girl. My need to be close to her overcame me and I acted upon my intense desire. I crawled in bed and contented myself with drowning in her beauty. She must of felt be staring at her because her eyes snapped open. But they weren't her eyes. No, the light that had once been there had left completely leaving a dark void of nothing. Reality hit me hard and forced all my happy memories in their rightful coffin at the sight of her emotionless eyes.

"He'll be here soon," I said quietly, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill after ten years. She knew of whom I spoke; the man in the gray suit, a member of the Psi-Corps sent to giver her the drug that had stolen my mother from me. 

She simply nodded and said, " Go downstairs. I'll shower and in you in a bit." I began to sit up when I her cold hand touched my arm. I turned and faced her and she spoke again. "I love you, Susan."

A single tear slipped from my eyes. I said nothing and went downstairs.

Thirty minutes later the doorbell rang like it always did on Tuesdays. I sighed and trekked back up the stairs to the bathroom and knocked on the old-fashioned door. No response.

"Mama? You really ought to come down. He's here. You know how Psi-Corps telepaths are! Mama?" 

Silence. Even at the age of fifteen I hated being ignored. Annoyed I tried the door. It wasn't locked. 

The shower was running and the bathroom as steamy and warm. "Mama?"

Worried, I opened the shower door. Nothing could have prepared myself for what I'd find. 

She laid in the tub limp and naked in bloody water that stained the walls of the shower red A knife floated at the surface precariously. Her lifeless eyes stared up at me, but for the first time in ten year they were her eyes.

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"And when we thought she could go no further, she took her own life."


End file.
